We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 83
Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear – fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to – freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a “new” freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free!
FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO
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January 30 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | Today’s AA daily reflection: “freedom from and freedom to?” It can be very difficult in my experience to feel any freedom at all in early days of recovery. Which is why hope is so important and was so important to me. Hearing people share their stories, experience of recovery in the fellowship of AA, eventually started to make a difference to me. Simply one day at a time, not needing to drink was key. I still had many wants, wanting to be well, wanting a roof over my head and many more, but not wanting a drink or needing to drink was enough for me…
From hopeless desperation and desolation to hopeful and able to cope just enough today, my daily rehab in the community, going to meetings and for the first time in many years being included in something and not looking from the outside meant I kept sober. It felt like a long-distance endurance of fear and looking over my shoulder for some imaginary bogeyman to catch me out. Of course there was no bogeyman, and the extreme fear began to subside when I realised fellowship was my community within my local community, and at last I was included and belonged again.
My first emotion in recovery, extreme fear beyond reality. Fear of being found out, fear of not being good enough, fear of being beyond redemption which felt like a 24 hour nightmare. And then in time fear seemed to become just one of many emotions I may have today. And over the years, I still am learning what it is to be loved and to be able to love back. And every emotion a human being can feel today is more understood by me. The twelve steps help me learn what my feelings are today, and they fit my experience. And when my feelings fit the experience of now, I think and behave consistent with what is happening and my personal outlook today…
The greatest freedom for me is to learn “who I am daily.” I start my day with basic routines to understand my emotional and spiritual condition, “How am I feeling, why and what may I do?” Just simply checking out my daily starting point and then reminding myself of steps 1 to 3 and the serenity prayer. And at any time of day, steps 10 to 12 will help me and guide me just for a day. And with humility it’s not whether I’m right or wrong, it’s what I do and how I live which defines me and helps me understand a little bit more about life and living in the moment, the only place where we can change our outlook day by day…
DonInLondon 2005-2011
Two meetings for me yesterday: At lunchtime about tradition one, freedom of choice in recovery is paramount. And then late evening: all about issues in later sobriety. Each meeting emphasised living real life as real life is, and with acceptance we keep making the best choices to action, action being the key…
Arthur Gordon “Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there’s all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens.”
Step One “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable”
AA Daily: Freedom from… Freedom to ~ We are going to know a new freedom… ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83
Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear – fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to – freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a “new” freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfilment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free!
-/-
There is such peace in the action of surrender. This dreadful word and its implied action terrified me terribly in the beginning but my understanding has been molded and shaped to understand it as it applies to specifics.
Today rather than total surrender in the concept of being a captive I understand it to be more in the idea that my way is not working out in this instance, that I need additional help for a difficult situation and I am willing to turn towards penultimate higher power as in the form of humans yet understanding that they have been placed here by the ultimate higher power, The Awesome Spirit of the Universe.
To exist in the state of mind and total freedom of Association with God as I understand him is so tremendously exhilarating, it is fundamentally inexpressible.
I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic. Georgia, USA.
I might as well call it Paradoxes Anonymous because from the day I got sober, just about everything I ever held true has turned out to be completely its reverse. I thought that being able to drink and use at whim with nobody ordering me about was the ultimate freedom. Now I see it as a full-time job with no pay, and worse yet, a hefty stage fee. The idea that waking up each day and reading some passage that asks me for self-examination would alleviate my self-obsession seemed contradictory on its face. Focusing on being of service to my fellow man to elevate my consciousness seemed like being sentenced to live in a convent and serve porridge to the masses. And the thought that mingling with people with the untreated form of my illness would solidify my own recovery sounded like voodoo healing. Low and behold that living in service, self-examination, humility and honesty has brought me bushels of the greatest joys that life has to offer any person. And this has taught me that conventional thinking and common sense are often conventional and common. If I want to know the truth, I need to turn everything over and see what lies on the other side. Continually Amazed, Zuzu in San Francisco
Harry and Zuzu, you have become mentors to me. Your comments on this particular DR connected with me with great clarity. Surrender, in our alcoholic condition is the reverse as it pertains to war. In war, the person that surrenders loses, the other the winner. My surrender that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable, has made me the winner, and with diligent work on the steps and remaining humble and open minded, I will maintain the freedom from the desperate life I was in, and flourish because I now have freedom to grow.
Thanks,
Maggie, (lovin’ that clarity thing,) recovering alcoholic
Zuzu, I did get your bbb wishes, thank you.
Dear All
Thank you so much. Everything that was written I have felt deep in my heart and soul and was as if I said wrote it myself. “the scary fear of being beyond redemption!” I also “dreaded the thought of surrender” and “that the ultimate freedom was doing what I want when i want” and drinking and drugging to escape from the horrible reality of life. But if what you all say is true that the HP is in form of humans esp humans with our affliction it gives me great hope. I truly believe in the “Awesome Spirit of the Universe” I feel so blessed today and so glad that I am sober just for today!!!! Tree in SoFla
I don’t know about “redemption—”
I was just plain tired of thinking sick
feeling sick
eating sick
drinking sick.
…tired of pissing and shitting sick.
I was tired of me of people of parents and kids.
Tired of the haze tired of the maze.
I was tired and fed up of being glazed
So sick you can’t stand.
So sick you can’t stand up.
Tired of throw up.
Tired of being mired in the slow unrelenting death of alcohol.
I surrendered with the help of the ICU.
Nothing glorious.
No “kingdom.”
No fear of God.
Just me and machines and my inner brain.
NOT tired now.
NOT giving up.
I know.
I think.
I feel.
I AM.
NEVER give up. Choose life.
I will survive.
Tired of being tired.
…a glitch in 9…last 2 lines are bogus. But you get the drift! Morning!!
I love your insights, you’ve come from a place that I never want to go and you write about it so well. And I love your sense of humor. Perhaps coming as close to death as you did, really points out that if you have no joy and laughter in your life, it’s an easy slip back. We certainly are not a glum lot!
MAGGIE
You have been to a place where I have been.
You are sharing as an alcoholic on Daily Reflections!!!!!
Yes…how right you are.
Ditto. There are some people who are gifted with words. I feel fortunate to of found this place, to be able to start my day with these shares. You are saying what I am feeling, thinking. Gratefully yours. Sask. Canada
As important to me as the freedom from the slavery to alcohol is, freedom from the bondage of self is more so. I was living in a very small world consisting of my fears, insecurities, unmet wants and needs,
resentments, anger, and hostility. For years Alcohol was my only way out, and when that stopped working I was screwed. Although I tried to make it work for several more years I just got sicker and sicker.
Freedom to choose not to drink today is crucial to me life. But freedom to live live in a great big bright world is even more so. Freedom to stretch my limits and discover what I really can do, and who I really am. And just as important who I am not, and what I can’t or what I had best not do. Freedom to form a personal relationship with God as I understand him. And freedom to do as my hero Pooh Bear does, go on a Grand Explore!!
Well said Paul!!
what a surprise to me to figure out that freedom wasn’t the ability to follow my whims, the siren song of my emotions, my glandular urges, anything that catered to the damned tyranny of me! under the influence of alcohol, i indulged in every freedom i could contemplate, several of which exercises of “freedom” landed me in the local jail, where i most certainly wasn’t free!!! i still don’t know exactly what freedom is, but more importantly, i know what it isn’t. aa has taught me that my needs must be subordinate to the needs of those around me, to those that count on me, to those that i love, to those that i might help. outside of me, i paradoxically find the freedom to be the me that He made. it works when you work it.
Great reading today, I really can relate with what you said z Zuzu ” I thought that being able to drink and use at whim with nobody ordering me about was the ultimate freedom.” When I was drinking and using I thought if the cops, parents, bosses, spouses, ect would just get off my back.. I wasn’t hurting anyone, they just don’t get it. Just wanted freedom( I thought I was a hippie by the way) but after I got sober I realized I was very far from freedom and was travelling the wrong way. I couldn’t enjoy anything without drinking or using. I couldn’t sleep at night unless I medicated or passed out. In that self constructed prison of my addiction. Today I know what true freedom is and I’m very grateful for it. The greatest gift for me is the desire to help others find this.. And in return I get to keep it. One of my favorite things now is just hanging at home with my girls, eating a bowl of icecream, lay my head down on my pillow, my mind (committee in my head) shuts of and I fall asleep just like that. All those little simple things that were impossible before. Thanks for all of your sharing.
Grateful alcoholic in Minneapolis,
Jason
Yes indeed we get a new freedom. The reading today reminds me of that. It’s amazing that I was held captive by so many things my whole life. Alcohol, drugs, and fear for starters. I’m free today from alcohol and drugs and all the other stuff I can work on one day at a time. So blessed by my higher power.
As I hit skid row, entered into the AA fellowship in my 20′s and rigorous AA attendance in my first 90 days of 300 plus meetings, yes indeed I began to know freedom and a new way of life. I stuck close to the strength knowing that I was in the right place, at the right time with the right people. I have never looked back. Now 10 years later I am a proud member of AA who continues working with others & to do the best I can on a daily basis which diminishes all fears, strengthens and keeps alight my freedom from the bottle. I choose to live abundantly on a daily basis and that is freedom that surpasses all. Good day & happy hello from Queensland, Australia. LIVE YOUR LIFE.
FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO
We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 83
Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose. KRIS KRISTOFFERSON
I can certainly relate to “extreme fear beyond reality”. I myself felt the fear of being alone, helpless and hopeless. I was thrashing around like a mad man in a pit of quicksand. The more I railed in anger against the injustice of it all, the deeper I sank. Thankfully, I reached out to the hand of AA, who pulled me out and told me to be still, listen and accept the reality of my condition.
My vanity convinced me that I had lost everything to my addiction. This is indeed a program of powerful paradoxes. It took me a long time to see the truth of AA paradoxes. When I finally surrendered and accepted the reality of my disease, my whole outlook on life began to change. I surrendered to the wisdom of the group because my way of thinking assumed that surrendering was a sign of weakness and defeat. Ironically, I learned that it was the first step to discarding the shackles of my bondage to my self/ego. My attachments to people, places and things were driven by my co-dependent nature. My sponsor requires all of his sponsees to go to AL anon because he says that he has yet to meet an alcoholic who was not codependent. When I let go and let God, the promises did start to come true. “We will know a new freedom, and we will experience joyful living.” One of the things that I have learned is the wisdom of open mindedness and non-judgment, because very often my perspective can only see one side of a paradox. Today, I am much more comfortable living in the question. Many of the AA paradoxes, are simple a new expression of wisdom that has been recognized for centuries. In the Tao Te Ching, Lao-tzu explains that if you want to be given everything, then you must give up everything. In his book Silent Power, Stuart Wilde teaches that non-action requires us to be patient and “wait for things to unfold naturally.” Consider St. Frances prayer:
‘For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.”
And in AA we learn that you can’t give it away if you don’t have it and you can’t keep it unless you give it away. While this made no sense, I know the truth of it now through my experience. It still does not make sense but my trust in a higher power seems to delivery even when it doesn’t make sense.
It is the hope of others that gives me courage and strength, as we experience in the incredible community here at Online Daily reflections. When Bill told us that we would be rocketed into the fourth dimension he probably didn’t realize how prophetic that was at the time. Here we are meeting in a virtual reality that transcends time and space and has no geographic, cultural, political or social boundaries. The wisdom that is unfolding on this website is amazing. I am very grateful to everyone here who has been willing to share their experience, strength and hope with my. It takes time and energy from those who contribution to our little community, but it is also when we give of our selves to we give the greatest gift of all. And I thank you
FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO
We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 83
Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose. KRIS KRISTOFFERSON
I entered this AA rooms with the Paradoxical freedom of no other options. I can certainly relate to “extreme fear beyond reality”. I myself felt the fear of being alone, helpless and hopeless. I was thrashing around like a mad man in a pit of quicksand. The more I railed in anger against the injustice of it all, the deeper I sank. Thankfully, I reached out to the hand of AA, who pulled me out and told me to be still, listen and accept the reality of my condition.
My vanity convinced me that I had lost everything to my addiction. This is indeed a program of powerful paradoxes. It took me a long time to see the truth of AA paradoxes. When I finally surrendered and accepted the reality of my disease, my whole outlook on life began to change. I surrendered to the wisdom of the group because my way of thinking assumed that surrendering was a sign of weakness and defeat. Ironically, I learned that it was the first step to discarding the shackles of my bondage to my self/ego. My attachments to people, places and things were driven by my co-dependent nature. My sponsor requires all of his sponsees to go to AL anon because he says that he has yet to meet an alcoholic who was not codependent. When I let go and let God, the promises did start to come true. “We will know a new freedom, and we will experience joyful living.” One of the things that I have learned is the wisdom of open mindedness and non-judgment, because very often my perspective can only see one side of a paradox. Today, I am much more comfortable living in the question. Many of the AA paradoxes, are simple a new expression of wisdom that has been recognized for centuries. In the Tao Te Ching, Lao-tzu explains that if you want to be given everything, then you must give up everything. In his book Silent Power, Stuart Wilde teaches that non-action requires us to be patient and “wait for things to unfold naturally.” Consider St. Frances prayer:
‘For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.”
And in AA we learn that you can’t give it away if you don’t have it and you can’t keep it unless you give it away. While this made no sense, I know the truth of it now through my experience. It still does not make sense but my trust in a higher power seems to delivery even when it doesn’t make sense.
It is the hope of others that gives me courage and strength, as we experience in the incredible community here at Online Daily reflections. When Bill told us that we would be rocketed into the fourth dimension he probably didn’t realize how prophetic that was at the time. Here we are meeting in a virtual reality that transcends time and space and has no geographic, cultural, political or social boundaries. The wisdom that is unfolding on this website is amazing. I am very grateful to everyone here who has been willing to share their experience, strength and hope with my. It takes time and energy from those who contribution to our little community, but it is also when we give of our selves to we give the greatest gift of all. And I thank you
Freedom means time for me. The time I took to hide bottles, wrap and throw away bottles, making sure there WAS enough in the bottle for Sundays. Looking back I put so much effort into drinking. Half the effort for sobriety will be enough for the rest of my life. Thank you God and AA.