Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47
When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming myself for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification.
FREEDOM FROM GUILT
January 27, 2012
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Really believe now that I was born this way, but it was hard to accept that concept because I thought I was in control for so long. Feels nice today to know that I am only human, flaws and all.
January 27 | AA 12 Steps In Action | 2012 | AA daily reflection: “Freedom from guilt.” When I read this this morning it reminds me of how I was back in the day and I am today, “that was then and this is now.” We do live in a blame culture, just listen to politicians “they did it.” Recovery is all about new living and being in the moment of now, learning what works now and coping with reality today…
Anyone can adopt the “blame angle” or live the “spiritual angle.” The blame angle: all about finding fault and pointing the finger at ourselves or others. The spiritual angle: living in the moment and looking for the solutions and coping with reality. Our step six defects, keep us in the problem of fear and guilt. Our step seven shortcomings, not enough courage, faith and confidence can be developed as we look to the solutions each and every day…
The truth of now is always changing, around people places and things. What seemed cutting-edge solutions yesterday become redundant as life and society moves along. As we learn the truth each day of how life is, we develop an outlook of life changing always and never standing still. Going with the flow and moving along in the present moment offers hope day by day…
Sometimes we do get stuck in the past, or simply feel that life is against us. And probably it was. Realising the extent of what has happened in terms of tragedy or success, loss and grief or surprise and joy can take time. We do need to deal with our feelings about the past so we can live more comfortably in the present. Acceptance of life on life’s terms, and acknowledging every feeling or emotion along the way means we keep on learning and developing a balanced outlook as we may…
“I can love a person and cherish them and still find their behaviour horrible and even hateful” I know we always get judged by what we do and sometimes anyone of us can fall short of ideal way of living. “I love you, but when you behave like that I cannot stand it” when we say it like that we don’t undermine a person’s self-esteem, we just tell them their behaviour is not working for us. People in love, keep learning love, people who’ve been hurt often keep learning to hurt themselves and others. Always progress never perfection… Forgive everyone everything!
DonInLondon 2005-2011
I am not my job, I am not my house, I am not my car. How we feel about ourselves, our self-esteem is an inside job ~ Rita Mae Brown “About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.” -/-
Expectations are resentments under construction. As I start my day, I ask myself, how am I feeling, why and what can I do? And then step one, two and three. Powerless over, restored to sanity, let go and let in the world, serenity ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson “The years teach much which the days never know.” -/-
Acceptance of how I am today and the consequences of living longer… Gaining wisdom of life one day at a time, what is possible and not possible? Life is neither fair nor unfair. That hard work and endeavour is our journey with joy and sadness thrown together side by side, serenity always in the moment of now…
Every day I try start with an open mind, be honest and willing to learn ~ Socrates “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” -/- Always the more I know, the less I know… Wisdom is a daily learning experience and never knowing what is right for you!
AA Daily: FREEDOM FROM GUILT ~ JANUARY 27 where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47
When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming me for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification.
-/-
Forgive everyone everything!
Love and forgive unconditionally— welcome to the first and only step necessary for an unencumbered spiritual life…. so easy to say so difficult to practice.
How can I continue to feel guilty and to blame for occurrences over which I have no power since I have been declared “blameless” in the eyes of God once I turned towards Him with ever increasing faith. Since God knows that my life as well as all others is marked by cautious attempts and steady progress towards continually getting it better there must be trial, there must be error.
No one is to blame.
Responsibility, yes!
Blame, no!
There are powerful influences of both good and evil, of poor, better and best and choices become improved under the powerful influence of wisdom growth.
When I was a child I thought as a child.
When I was an adolescent I thought and acted as one.
As I have matured my thoughts and actions show the results.
None of this happens without the overarching presence of the goodness of the universe.
I’m Harry, recovering alcoholic. Georgia, USA.
I’m sober another day. Thanks to my higher power and all of you.
Harry has alluded to thinking as a child or an adolescent, and this is right at the crux of the blame syndrome. When I was a pouty 12 year old, if someone admonished me, my stock response was “okay fine then, I’m just a total loser!!!” By labeling myself as the guilty party (in a dramatic, self-pitying manner instead of a thoughtful assumption of responsibility), I am deflecting the truth of my wrongful actions by painting myself with the martyr brush that I have shoved in your hand. While ostensibly I claim to take on the wrongdoing of the entire human race, I am in fact making the other person guilty of demonizing me. What a clever twist of facts (not). Sweeping declarations of abject failure are just as grandiose as outright denial of my part in a situation. Time to take the Steps to my Rooms and grow up a little. Love, Zuzu, San Francisco.
Zuzu, it seems we’re on the same wavelength and your writing speaks to me and then some. I have been stopping my exploration of character defects at age 25! Your post today was like an electric shock as I started looking at the years before. I don’t know if I want to go there! But, I must. And the tools I have in my foundation will help me go through those years. Self examination were I haven’t really gone before, scary but exciting at the same time. Thank you.
Maggie, recovering alcoholic.
I also have Harry to thank for this awareness.
I believe that Blaming others is not so much a alcoholic trait but a human one. But then most of our “alcoholic” traits are merely human.
People blame others for everything wrong in the world today up to and including God.
Accepting responsibility of my thoughts, words, and actions never came easy nor was it every the first thought I had went things went wrong or I had harmed someone. My first thoughts were something like, “How can I get out of this unscathed?”
The 12 steps of A.A. have provided me with a excellent training program for me to learn to willingly accept responsibility when it is mine to accept. Steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. And as of today its working. Always and perfectly? No but then I am and always will be a work in progress.
Paul
Keno, Oregon
I find myself coming in contact more and more with AA members who; for lack of a better word – scapegoat – their actions, words and attitudes due to the fact that they are alcoholics. I still see grandoise thinking, statements, arguments – the lack of willingness to perceicve how they gloss over things in a generalized fashion because that’s “the alcoholic in me”. Now, this coming from memebers I have known for several years now and who have dozens of years in the program. Always quick with an AA slogan at the drop of a hat.
I am just not finding ( an expectation on my part ) the whole humility factor that is so prescribed for us. We are not a glum lot and yet I find gossip, judgement an attitude of “you don’t mind do you ?”. A sort of arrogance and untouchable persona. “I have mine” and I also have “the gavel of life” in my right hand. A lack of awareness and a whole host of expectations. No need for me to do a spot check inventory.
Beyond being irksome, in which you tolerate, I just am not “seeing” that bridge being built with “the courage to change the things you can” between acceptance and growth.
Hope this makes some sense and thanks for listening. I am not disheartened or discouraged just a tad confused.
Keep coming back Glen and maybe hang with the “winners” in the program. Just because we got sober doesn’t mean we change overnight, if we do the work honestly and practice the principles, then change comes. Find those members! When i live the principles of the program it’s then that I can see the good in others, and live without regret or anger. Hope you keep doin this stuff-it’s the best drug yet!