Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,. . . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83
When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only “changes for the better” I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.
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Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live
in emotional balance, at peace with myself.
Dis-courtesy and sarcasm, my modus operandi when I was a smart alecky, self-centered, know it all out-of-control alcoholic kept me in hot water almost all the time.
I did not want to be an emotionally imbalanced and pitiful person but I had no control over whether guilt, shame, remorse, bitterness, hate, etc. would come into play and they did. They all did.
And the result — emotional wreck most of time that always needed another drink of liquor as a soothing balm for this seething volcano within.
This only led to further emotional upheaval so it is no wonder I was a terribly sick person when I walked through the doors of AA and was met by a demonstration of courtesy, kindness and emotional balance by drunks just like me.
I’m Harry, a blessed considerate, recovered and recovering alcoholic.
The last sentence in Dr. Bob’s nightmare- Your Heavenly Father will never let you down! He knows your heart, trust Him, be grateful that He has chosen you to remain sober and help those who are still suffering and those who need to be encouraged to stay sober and carry the message! Consuming alcohol is no big deal! Its only deception, now if I do give in and consume alcohol it is a big deal. My desire is to stop drinking! I’m doing fine today, I’ve been around people who were drinking beer all afternoon. I went to a meeting this morning and to a meeting this evening and picked up my 9 month sobriety chip. As I thought about those people drinking and watching them get drunk, I heard a soft still voice in my innerspirit say “drinking alcohol is no big deal until you put it in your body, then it becomes a problem. I’m an alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable, thats acceptance! Today I will make indirect ammends by accepting the things I cannot change. Loving other people the way I would like to be loved. “The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.” A.A. Book p.152 3rd paragraph, line 6, 3rd edition. There is such a thing as TRUTH!
Congratulations Shawn! Indeed we have “salvation” one day at a time. Indeed it is the drug in us that becomes our master. One drink can do that. The foot in the door so to speak.
I go to the tables to remind myself of the “wreck” I was. That’s why yesterdays meditation on reconstruction “hit the nail” on the head, so to speak.
When it comes to amends – at least for me, my head starts to spin as I try to think of any I have in the least offended. But there comes a time for me to stop the head trip and cut it out – and be practical about making amends.
Hi again. In reading some of the comments from yesterday, I remembered something that was shared at a meeting yesterday morning. A person still in treatment said that when he was in school he was always part of a team, and that maybe he drank because he missed that feeling. He said that AA was like a team to him now. The tables are so important- it’s so hard to even list the many ways AA is supportive – like a team working to a common goal, Continued Sobriety.
Incidentally (but significantly) this comment section (I don’t know what to really call it) with everyone’s thoughts and comments is also a team effort as we seek to stay sober and be supportive to others.
“WE” is a TEAM!
read that prayer and meditation supports emotional balance =)
Thanks for all who shared today and for all who read these reflections.
Harry