Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion…. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44
When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn’t think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this “need” can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that’s fine; but if I don’t, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character.
{ 4 comments }
Guilty as charged, I pray for humility to temper my selfish arrogance.
Not only did I HAVE to do a good job, I HAD be responsible! I HAD to be liked! I NEEDED approval! I was as addicted to those things as I was to alcohol! Man, I was sick, I was disturbed (with capital D).
I am now free. But I still have to fight the urge. I now have other reasons to do well, to please me.
I am so thankful that I am an alcoholic. If I hadn’t unfortunately traveled that path, I would not have become free, thanks to my HP and AA. I needed to work the program.
May I continually learn and grow to be a spiritually driven (steered) individual, sharing and caring about others and not just myself.
I have discovered a world of difference. Before and After – not quite but almost black and white. Because Love reached out to me, I feel that I want to respond in Love to others.
“home Run”
Living life as a people pleaser or worse yet, seeking approval never worked in my life. It was bubble bursting affect that always ended in disaster. Today I can thank my lucky stars I’m not so Dog-gone puzzled.
Knock on wood I’m here to stay along with a significant amount of piece of mind. Seeking approval serves no purpose in my life. My goals today are far more achievable with the collective ideas of AA. My quality of life improved dramatically.
115 days sober, easy does it, God first,one day at a time, sometimes one hr. at a time or one heartbeat at a time, I’m tired maybe tomorrow will be better.