Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95
When I come into contact with a newcomer, do I have a tendency to look at him from my perceived angle of success in A.A.? Do I compare him with the large number of acquaintances I have made in the Fellowship? Do I point out to him in a magisterial way the voice of A.A.? What is my real attitude toward him? I must examine myself whenever I meet a newcomer to make sure that I am carrying the message with simplicity, humility and generosity. The one who still suffers from the terrible disease of alcoholism must find in me a friend who will allow him to get to know the A.A. way, because I had such a friend when I arrived in A.A. Today it is my turn to hold out my hand, with love, to my sister or brother alcoholic, and to show her or him the way to happiness.
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After being here 4 meny years,I was told by my sponcer that”I know it all and there’s nothing he can do”!?!?– and that”I was a dry drunk” it seams at some point back there I have learned 2much 4 my own good-so how do I “NOT” talk down 2 a new person?!?!?! BY REMBERING that I am 1 drink away from being where he is-this is 1 day at a time,altho,with $ and being a big shot,I forgot that,the ungrateful,bastered that I am-GOD BLESS ALL. Jamey
Examining ourselves takes honesty and humility. If we can truly accomplish this task, we can successfully carry the message to the newcomer. Integrity is the foundation.
This is how AA kills people. By spouting nonsense like ”you are a dry drunk” or “I have learned 2much 4 my own good”. Drinking in anger is dangerous. Those who accept the programming and drink under its influence are set up for failure. I learned much from this site http://www.luvdrunk.org/corky/
I do not drink today because it is harmful. I attend AA because as a support group it is invaluable. For me to “reach out” I have to believe that I know what is good for you. This is arrogance or pride which is the opposite of humility, a true principal of virtue. I am not willing to believe that I am bodily or mentally different from my fellows, insane, or destine to jails , institutions, or death should I drink. I depart from the language of the programming because it is deceptive. I am not powerless over alcohol, I am powerless over the damage it does if I drink it. I only said that I was an alcoholic because I wanted to be a part of the group. Today I just have a desire to stop drinking.
If u can’t say anything nice-don’t say a thing !!!! I am not looking for bull-shit feed back from someone who doesn’t think be4 he speeks –
There will always be wolves. Just let your actions speak louder than words. Thanks for the research. This is proof that people can stop drinking, yet still not change their attitude on life. This is about helping others, not putting them down. All the effort that goes into making others look bad could be better used to improve your own self to truly help others and become more intimate with your God.
To “reach out” to others has absolutely nothing to do with pride. Arrogance IS the opposite of humility. A.A isn’t about “programming and setting people up for failure”. Unless, a person has “experienced” a relapse they wouldn’t personally know the damage it can cause a person. To LIE and call yourself an alcoholic, when you DON”T truly believe you are one is DECEPTION (lie) this definitely ISN’T “a true virtue” of humility!! If a person doesn’t believe they are “bodily different from their fellows” perhaps they should “research” the topic of how the body does change when they person does become a true alcoholic…it forms a new pathway and the chemistry of the body DOES change. It is similar to how the body adapts to things such as medications they are on then (like an alcoholic adapts to alcohol and it no longer works for them) The medical profession limits the use of amoxicillian, painkillers, sleeping pills and such, because when the body adapts to it it NEEDS more for it to work…the body chemistry does change and MAKES people “bodily different” from before. It is very arrogant (false pride) to say that the way a person phrases things like “dry drunk” is wrong, coming from a person, who is too insecure to tell the group that they don’t feel that they are a true alcoholic yet just doesn’t have any other valuable support group to belong to. TRUE BELIEVERS tend to join valuable support groups at their church IF they have the true virtue, of being honest. A.A literature does suggest a person CAN “go back out and try some more experimenting” to find out if they are ‘bodily’ different aka “powerless” . Death could also mean “spiritual death” ask any true believer and they will tell you THAT WOULD BE WORSE than any jail or institution could ever do to them. A person IS “mentally different” if they choose to live their life being dishonest just to fit into a group that they feels could kill someone with its jargon. Perhaps, instead of researching web site’s a person should research themselves before casting judgments they are uneducated on.