By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety–in other words, to all of us–this newfound peace is a priceless gift. 12 & 12, p. 74
I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God’s grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender. It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory.
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Surrender, is a state of being that I had never experienced until I became totally engulfed with fear. I became one with my disease and sensed that I was on deaths doorway. Alcohol whipped me to a state of reasonableness and all I could do was pray for help.
That moment is forever engrained in my consciousness, not because I am reliving the past but because the natural state of my spirit is to be one with, to be connected, united with universal spirit and the flow, dynamics of the great perfection.
My spirituality is based on what I feel and not much of what I think.
Being new in my sobriety I’m still searching for that peace mentioned here. My emotions are everwhere and I feel miserable. I keep telling my self I did not get sober to be miserable. Where is the reward the gratification. The insanity of it all is that at times I’ll still reference drinking as those were better times. Nevertheless I continue to focus on the positive examples of ones that have conquered this disease.