In God’s economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 31
How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient. When I sought God, as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts. Through experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mind — living in and sharing sobriety.
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Alcoholism is a 3 fold illness of body, spirit, and mind. not a moral “failure”. While not an atheist I do not see God as an Authority requiring obedience, or issuing any plans, tests, rewards, or punishments. As a sober alcoholic, awakening to all previously ignored or suppressed emotions/feelings in a constantly changing reality was incredibly difficult. Without intensive “working” with others desiring to stop drinking every day, I would never have been able to stay sober, much less be free of the 24/7 living nightmare of loneliness, anxiety and depression I used to endure.
This was so eerily timely for me. Just when I think I literally cannot take another bit of my self imposed pain I get the reminder I need. I am thankful for a program that gives me the freedom to make my spiritual contact on my terms, based on my perceptions today. It keeps me alive, I just need to be more diligent about doing the work.
I have trouble just letting go. I feel like I am giving up the most important part of me. That’s crazy. When I do give up is when I find the most peace. The “obedience” part of that reflection makes me bristle. But it is not obedience to God himself, at least not for me. It’s obedience to this way of life. It’s plan for living that when followed makes me feel whole. Now taking that into action requires real discipline on my part.